1. Welcome to the latest edition of the Friday Funnies, more startling tales purloined from the pages of the message traffic, scrutinized, analyzed, sanitized, and seasoned with our patented blend of sage advice and snide remarks.

A. An E-2 from a patrol squadron in Hawaii was riding his motorcycle to the base. Nearing the main gate, he pulled over to put on the required reflective vest. I guess he figured that he only needed to be visible after he went through the gate. He was immediately punished for this shortsighted attitude by burning the inside of his leg on the bike's muffler and also, somehow, bruising an unidentified bone. Two weeks of light duty.

Hey, maybe that vest doesn't look real cool, but it looks better than a big oozing bandage, don't ya think? Just wear the darn thing, all the time.

B. Quick, name the hazard if you went swimming in this place: Alligator Bayou, Florida.

Good try. The correct answer is hypothermia. That's what a lieutenant commander developed after going for a 1,000-yard swim. The water was 59 degrees, the air was 31 degrees, and the wind chill was about 25 degrees. Our aquanaut, who hadn't been swimming fast enough, had opted for a "shorty" suit rather than a full suit, thinking it would help him speed up.

And it did, if you are talking about dropping your core body temperature. When he emerged from the swim, he had a hard time walking and keeping his balance. Instructors plunked him in a warm shower and gave him something toasty to drink, but after ten minutes, he was still shivering uncontrollably. Half an hour later he was ok.

Not good headwork. Furthermore, warm or cold, you can add Alligator Bayou to the list of places I'd rather not go for a swim.

C. A boatswain mate, first class no less, was putting away some gear at a diving exhibition. He was bending over as part of this task, and when he stood up, he smacked his head on a light stand, cutting his scalp. And what caused this painful loss of situational awareness, you ask? He said, "Cheerleaders were in the exhibition area."

Here's the best part. The mishap report listed, as a cause, lack of attention to detail. I'm thinking it was too much attention to detail, namely the contours of the cheerleaders. If they'd been wearing bikinis, this guy might have drowned.

D. An E-5 Marine Corps recruiter in Pennsylvania pulled up to an intersection one sunny day. He stopped at the stop sign, which was about 20 feet away. He started ahead, seeing (the report says) "that the intersection was clear." and then, when he was in the middle of the intersection, a car came around the corner and banged into his front passenger-side fender.

Interesting use of the word "clear," don't you think?

2. That's all for now, friends and neighbors. Until we meet again, buckle up, leave early, take your time, back off that accelerator just a tad, and keep a weather eye out for all those drivers who must have forged their drivers licenses because they sure couldn't have passed a test driving like that.